Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
