i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
