Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
