the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
