While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
