I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Randomize
