Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
