we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
