remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
