Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.

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(954): View more from Florida

you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.

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(940): View more from Texas

He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro

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(310): View more from California

I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”

(310): View more from California

My divorce is turning into a porn script

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