Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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