When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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