I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
