oh god the rape fog is back!
Screwed.edu
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
