She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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