thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
