I cockslap morals
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
