let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
