you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
