I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
