my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you would pick up someone in the library
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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