i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
