I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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