I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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