We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
