smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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