I just saw a hot homeless man
People with herpes should wear stickers.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize