dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
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Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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