Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
