Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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