The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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