all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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