When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
