Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
