i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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