i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
