I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Randomize
