i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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