Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
