Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
my liver is dry heaving
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
