bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
