i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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