Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
