Can i not drive my cunt home
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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