So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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