i jhust puked up my retainher.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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