You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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