I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im six kinds of drunk right now
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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