My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The power of my boobs compel you
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
