Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
