She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
