My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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