end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
