I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
