dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
