get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
