I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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