he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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