she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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