you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
