I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
