You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
