sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
