that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
