The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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