Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
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For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
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Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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