If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
