You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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