His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
