so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize