Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
