why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.