Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.