I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect