May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.