New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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